We meet so many faces every day, do we really connect? Every relation/bond has bundle of emotions, haziness, doubts, and differences. Difference of opinion is ok but what matter is lack of trust. 100% trust is ideal or expected even in closest relations. That is only possible with people who live whole-heartedly. Haziness in bonds happens because of two reasons, one is shame and other is fear. Few examples of our shame and fear are…
- Mother in law does not connect with daughter in law. She thinks she will take over her power or may kick her out.
- Parents don’t share full information to children , they think -may be in future children may left them.
- We don’t propose/share our love, because we think people will misuse it or may reject us.
- We don’t connect at public speaking stage and we fumble and loose breathing. Many of us could not utter few words about ourself.
- We ignore asking questions in class.
- We don’t give genuine suggestions to boss. We fear, our grades would be in danger.
- We don’t share our feeling on social media in fear that people will troll us / Question us. Our mask will fall.
These are just few examples, we connect half-heartedly. We love cautiously. We live anxious life as we fear job loss, unexpected disease, accidents and rejections. Some relations have power and respect angle to it like teacher, parent, boss, or national leaders. Power difference adds to haziness and takes away power of connect. More the shame and fear in relation, weaker the relation will be. Or, excessive shame or fear kills a relation. Friendship is the best relation in that way. Less expectations and less fear of judgement.
Now natural questions arise.
- Why do we have these two demons – Shame or fear?
- How to reduce them to improve connection ?
Our lust to look perfect may be one reason. One example, men are supposed to be bold, strong, hero, macho. Etc. They keep this mask whole life. They don’t cry or can share their fears openly. Side effect of it is their increased blood pressure and slow death. This mask of perfection is too costly. People who accept their imperfections live wholeheartedly and connect easily.
Another example could be like many girls live in this perfection of beauty. They want to look beautiful all the time. Selfie mania is one side effect. They keep makeup all the time. We can call it a mask. Can’t they live natural and real self? Believe me it will improve connection. They could smile freely, even in natural looks.
I heard so many good speakers who accept their imperfection gracefully. It will kill shame and fear a bit. People listen you with sympathy. Perfection is illusion. Imperfection is beautiful and reality.