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How to speak up for yourself

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I came across an interesting TED video about speaking on self. Title is “Adam Galinsky: How to speak up for yourself”. It raises many interesting questions and provides tools. It gives insight on when to assert self and when to play defensive. Our power games play important role in any negotiation or discussion. Our range of acceptable behaviour to speak up solely determine by a particular context.

When we are in power, like a boss-subordinate relationship or parent- child relation. We utilise power and it is easy to communicate. Power comes from alternatives in hand, grades, expertise, or brand value.
When you have less power in one context, it is the real test. Our acceptable behaviour range is narrow. We are in double bind situation.

Speak up – get rejected or
Don’s speak – go unnoticed.

You have to come out of that negotiation as a winner. Speaking up is risky. Adam has suggested some tools to lower the risk.

Mama Bear: You take a cause of others. Talk on behalf of larger group or organization. It has less risk in it. Mother talks about benefit of family, child, or ethics. They advocate for others. It is widely acceptable behaviour. They become assertive.

Prospective Taking: When we question the real reason of action for negotiation and debate. We can get real “Why”. That makes counteroffer easy. It may diffuse a tense situation. When I take your prospective, what you really want, you are more likely to give what I want. In crisis we becomes self-focused. Self-defence becomes our priority.

Signal Fluctuating: If you give people options, it lowers their defence and they are more likely to accept the offer. Give options in negotiation. It becomes easy for other party to decide and close.
Win allies: Allies and friends help in winning games. All strategies have to be inclusive. Pre-align people for big meetings. It helps.

Ask Advice: Advice helps in melting ego of powerful people. Asking advice is so human. It shows our vulnerability and build trust. It helps both adviser and advice seeker. It is true sense of knowledge sharing.
Build Expertise: Building skill or expertise to gain market share of credibility. It comes from strong evidences and queries. Practice makes market reputation.

Ask people their passion: People just love to tell their passion. Asking it can help you to break ego shield around influential people.

Expand roles and ranges. Evolve as a better leader or negotiator. Be a humble advice seeker, mama bear, have strong allies, have strong evidences, and be a passionate prospective taker. You can expand range of acceptable behaviour.